


Annihilation

by peggysgf



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 20:59:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15179267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peggysgf/pseuds/peggysgf
Summary: “annihilation — to destroy completely, leaving nothing.”Steve gave and gave and gave until he had nothing left.





	Annihilation

**Author's Note:**

> idk if i like this lol but i hope yall do! also this is a reupload, the first time i published this it wouldn’t show up so... anyways enjoy

Imagine this: You’re 26 and you’re driving this ship into ice.   
Less than a few days ago, you watched your best friend, since before you were in your teens, fall what seemed like a million feet in the air, after the railing broke and you couldn’t catch his hand.  
You were prepared to give your life to America, that’s what you signed up for. You were prepared to give your life in exchange for Bucky’s.  
Well, it seems you can’t do that anymore.  
So, you kill yourself by heading the ship straight for the ice, and hope to God it’s permanent, because part of you would be fine dying if it meant you had helped what you so desperately wanted to join, and the other part of you is saying that you can’t go back, because Bucky isn’t there.

Imagine this: You’re technically 93 but biologically you’re still 26, and you’ve woken up after 70 years of sleeping in the cold.  
You now know a Nick Fury, and he wants you to help track down the Tesseract, something that you believed you already took care of.  
You’re frustrated, you think that maybe you did that for nothing, that Bucky died for nothing.  
You say yes, you’ll do what it takes to help.  
You give them yourself.

Imagine this: You’re technically 96, but biologically you’re 29, and you’re fighting someone on the highway, with Sam and Natasha’s help.  
The man you’re fighting is dressed in black, with a metal arm, and long dark brown hair. He wears a muzzle, like he’s a goddamn dog.  
You throw him over your shoulder and the muzzle falls off and suddenly it’s almost peaceful, almost quiet if you thought hard enough, time almost stops.  
Almost, until he turns his face and you see Bucky. You think that maybe your eyes are playing a trick on you, so you ask his name and tells you he doesn’t know who that is.  
But you know it’s him. He doesn’t know you, but you know him.  
That’s enough for the moment you’re in, because you’re so overjoyed he’s alive but so curious as to how and why and what have these people done to him, what has he endured? He’s alive, but not in the way you wanted.

Imagine this: You’re still technically 96, and you’re still biologically 29, and you’re telling Bucky that you’re his friend, he’s known you your whole life, you’re not going to fight him.  
You drop your shield, and he attacks you. He hits you over and over and over again and you’re willing to die for him. He says that you’re his mission and you tell him that if he really doesn’t know who you are, then finish it. You tell him that you’re with him ‘til the end of the line, because he told you that so long ago after your mom died, and it’s the only thing you can think of, and that’s it.  
Your eyes are swollen and you’re on the verge of becoming unconscious, but you can see him stop. Stop his fist permanently, stop his breathing for just a second. You see his eyes and finally. Finally, he knows you.  
And then, you both fall and this time you hope you won’t die. You give everything up for him.

Imagine this: You’re technically 98, and biologically you’re 31, and you’re with Bucky, you fought against your so-called team to be with him, and you don’t believe in soulmates but maybe you could make an exception for him.  
Zemo shows the video of the Winter Soldier killing Howard and Maria Stark and you feel so sick to your stomach, and you hate to realize it but it’s not because of them dying, no, you already knew that, it’s because you know Stark is going to do everything he can to kill Bucky in front of you. He wants you to suffer for keeping that secret from him.  
And he does try to attack, and you’re telling Bucky to run, to flee, but he doesn’t and you both fight against Stark. You try to reason with him, but he’s done listening, and at this point, you don’t wanna waste your breath.  
Bucky rips the arc reactor out and Stark cuts his metal arm in half, and you’re so, so, angry.  
You hit Stark with your shield again and again and again and for the first time in your life, you think about killing someone just because you can. Just because it’d be simpler without the constant fighting, the snarky comments, the unrelenting arrogance.  
But you don’t, you don’t do that because you’d rather save Bucky. You walk away with your best friend and drop the shield again.  
You give up everything but him.

Imagine this: You’re technically 99, but biologically you’re 33, and you just watched the love of your life crumble to the ground and turn to ash and you don’t even know what to do anymore.  
Your legs give out and you fall to your knees, tears running faster than anytime before because not only have you lost the fight, you’ve lost the one person who you had left.  
Again.  
And, as much as you’ve given over the years, constant sacrificing for the greater good, and, you’ll admit, your greater good in more recent years, you wish it was you. You really wish it was you instead of him. You want to take yourself away from this, you’ve already tried to do that before, but you think that maybe you can’t live without war. You want to kill yourself again and join him successfully this time, wherever he is, and tell him you’re sorry you couldn’t save him.  
You want to give everything up but there’s nothing left to give.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading if you wanna give a kudos or comment i would greatly appreciate it!! also sorry for any mistakes i check everything myself


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